Recently, I’ve noticed many articles and posts on social media on how to find your authentic self.
They promise that once you find your authentic self you’re life will just magically fall into place.
Well this led me to contemplate how our idea of self impacts our sense of self-worth and self-efficacy.
There are some beliefs about the self that can negatively impact our lives and I believe that, if not examined carefully, trying to find your authentic self might be one of them.
THE AUTHENTIC SELF AS THE IDEAL SELF
The idea of finding your authentic self can create psychological harm to our current selves.
For one thing, it presumes that who you are now is not yet enough.
How could it be enough when there is this much more enlightened, more “authentic” self that is waiting for you in the future?
Also, the idea of an ultimate authentic self could be based on assumptions that perpetuate beliefs that may be causing us to continuously search for this version of ourselves.
THE SELF IS CONNECTED TO EVERYTHING
We belong to systems. Family systems, ecological systems, energetic systems etc.
Anything about us is not in isolation but a result of infinite interactions with these systems.
I think about Gregory Bateson’s description of transforms or, in other words,
THE DIFFERENCE WHICH MAKES A DIFFERENCE.
The idea is that with each event within a system, the next event is affected and, therefore, changed.
The way I relate this idea to the Self, is that our constant interactions with our environment inform and transform our thoughts, decisions, and feelings.
At some point we were taught to believe that our minds are distinct and separate from everything outside ourselves,
but really they are in constant dynamic interaction with our environment.
Similarly, David Bohm’s description of matter, people, and any objects in space as relatively independent subtotalities encapsulates this view of matter, and consequently, the self.
Our language doesn’t have a word that acknowledges the interconnectedness of all physical things so he just made one up.
We are more than just separate bags of water walking around.
We are parts of an immense totality that we affect and are affected by at every level.
This is why it is futile to measure goals and values at any given time because they are being transformed by all that we see, hear, and experience.
It means we get moments of clarity, but they don’t necessarily give insight into an ultimate clarity.
THE SELF IS EVER CHANGING AND EVOLVING
There is no fixed self.
Our bodies, minds, auras, EVERYTHING, are constantly changing.
A lot of negative self talk arises from a belief that the Self is fixed and static.
I’ve not aware enough of my authentic self. I’m not spiritual enough. I’m not (blank) enough.
Every tiny little experience you have each day changes you.
You aren’t always aware of how it does, but IT DOES.
We are never exactly the same person as we were last year, last month, or even an hour ago!
Like all else in life, the self is constantly changing.
It is not static.
There is no universal or personal ideal Self to achieve.
Your view of life changes and your goals evolve with them.
In fact, it’s important that we let them evolve rather than sticking to an old goal that doesn’t work for us anymore.
YOUR CHARACTERISTICS ARE NOT STATIC.
You know you are a completely different person than you were in the past.
You know you were learning back then, and you are still learning now.
THE SELF IS COMPLETE (EVEN THOUGH THE WORLD DOESN’T WANT YOU TO THINK THAT)
The self is complete. You are complete and unique.
Any negative judgement about yourself is a result of years and years of brainwashing that there is
one right way to be.
There are many ways to be.
The self is so complex.
By believing in a harmful, separating view of Self as an “individual”,
we begin to feel small, helpless, insignificant.
There is nothing inherently “wrong” with your current self.
It’s the JUDGEMENT of it that creates the problems.
THERE ARE MANY “SELVES” WITHIN YOU
There is no one self.
Certain selves emerge at different times.
There’s an ebb and flow and they emerge at different degrees depending on the situation, the people you are with, and how you are feeling inside.
TO SUM UP…
There is no ULTIMATE authentic self.
However, we are unique expressions of the universe who have desires, aspirations, and lifestyles that make us feel happy.