So I was talking with one of my students recently and she asked me what I majored in for my undergrad. I told her Math and Visual Arts. Well, then she flipped out and said, “Art? Art?? I can see the Math, but ART?”
I responded with, “Yes, Art! How come you can believe the Math and not the Art? Just stereotype me why don’t you!” And we both had a good laugh about it.
It was funny because we know each other pretty well and she was just being her sweet, authentic self.
It’s not easy for anyone to break out of the categories and labels.
There are times when I’ve heard people say things like, “I’m just not an academic person,” or “My dad had a bad temper, that’s why I have a bad temper.” Wow. When we buy into the labels placed on us, we view ourselves as static objects that don’t grow, change, and evolve.
If we internalize those labels, no matter where we are in life, we begin to define ourselves by those labels and so our huge potential and life possibilities are that much harder to see.
People are complex. To presume we know the whole person through the tiny amount of information we have of them is absurd.
But here’s the unexpected part:
Those who are labeled positively also suffer.
How, you ask? Well, because labels make us mentally and emotionally vulnerable.
Let’s say most of your life, you are describes as nice, smart, and sexy. These descriptions will start to become a large part of your self-image and self-identity.
So what? There are worse things in life, right?
Well… if you depend on those labels to feel good about yourself, your sense of self is at risk of being brutally shattered if you lose one of those labels.
As the stages of life come and go, it could become harder for our egos to let go of those images of ourselves that have worked so well for us in the past. Our sense of self becomes very vulnerable when we hold on to these (let’s face it) shallow, inadequate descriptions of ourselves.
So how can we become more aware of how labels affect us?
We can start by exploring personal labels in our lives.
Here are 4 questions that I ask myself occasionally to help create more awareness of how labels are affecting me:
How would others describe me? (Family, friends, colleagues)
How have those descriptions impacted decisions I have made both personally and professionally?
What are things I believe I’m good at and things I believe I’m not good at?
Where did I get those ideas?
It takes time to overcome deeply internalized ideas about ourselves, but reflecting on these questions can bring you closer to knowing the labels you want for yourself and that you can do without. So what if people see me as a nerdy Asian girl who likes math? I also laugh loudly, like heavy metal music, science fiction, pretty things, and craft beer.
We are so much more than anything words can describe.
Let’s not reduce and limit ourselves to categories and labels. We are infinitely more complex, fascinating, and beautiful for that!